...realizing the depths of issues, personally or between us, that would cause this blog to begin in the first place...we are over, broken up etc.
I'm still in the angry phase.
(He says) We can't be happy together because we are too different and want different things. Case in point, he is climbed out, did way more outdoors activities than he wanted to do this year and less of the stuff he wanted to do like chocolate buffets, museum outings, etc. He considers that I on the other hand want to do more of the outdoors stuff and therefore we will not be happy.
(She says)
On February 27th, I made no bones about two things that mattered in our relationship (1) his ability to lose weight and (2) my desire to climb. I believe this is nearly a quote: "I want to climb all the time. Are you ok with that?"
So first, in the simplest possible terms, he committed to a relationship and sucked up my energy and time because he neglected to evaluate his feelings about my climbing thoroughly.
secondly, he pronounces an unrealized interest in more museum outings, buffets, etc. So far all of these sorts of activities _I_ have instigated. He has not. I have suggested to him that if he wants to dance, to go sign us up for dance lessons. I even left him a coupon. He never did. In fact I even set up the very first dance lessons! I own museum passes and have gone to the museum more than he has. I bought the movie casablanca and set up movie night. I cooked meals for us to enjoy together. I suggested we go see the last movie we saw, just to see a movie. I instigated our trip to Bodyworld, checking and rechecking with him about interest and times. I asked him for an example of when he suggested something, whether we did it or not. He couldn't think of one.
Thirdly, when I ask him, (as in previous post on communication) if HE wants to climb, it is because I am attempting to ascertain what he really wants to do (or not do). If he rigidly refuses to answer the question (which would inform me that he really is not interested in climbing), and instead keeps saying indirectly 'yes let us go climbing!' does he expect me to suggest something else?
In my view, he never took a careful look at the things he wanted and/or never followed through on them. e.g. If he wanted to go dancing, he should have set up a dancing schedule. If he wanted to go to a museum, he should have suggested going to a museum. He never did.
Finally, I believe pablo's version of compatibility is when two people circumstantially happen to want to do the same things most of the time. If we fit this bill, any schedule I laid out he would follow (which is what he's been doing), and he would only as a matter of luck ended up happy. He got mixed up in the middle by simply 'doing' what I wanted to do, thinking it would work out. What he doesn't realize, even though I've encouraged him to air his thoughts, is that he should have vocalized his interests and we could have then compromised on them. But compromise isn't possible without at least two inputs.
